thanksgiving
- stack family turkey trot (8 mi)
- bake sweet potato pie!
- eat delicious turkey
- learn to make rolls
- black friday shop
- see new moon?
- have drew over for friday t-giving
- watch macy's parade!
- work on mormon project, wedding paper
- clean room
- clean bathroom
- go to anthro
- compile christmas lists
- watch desperate housewives
- attend mormon church?
- compile social chair notebook
- receipts
- event reports
- list of all things kept
- write up predecessor's report
- drive to see opryland lights with my drew
- decorate for christmas
- gather christmas things for apartment
- give james his birthday present
- make callie's phi beta theta delta kappa mu shirt
- compile event planning portfolio
- update eager to entertain
- go for walks/runs
- study spanish
- return library books
- do yoga
- figure out what christmas cookies to bake, pictures for decorating inspiration
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
homemaking plans
So, in preparation for my new apartment (!!!!) this fall (and after excitement over my darling boyfriend finalizing his plans for his new house [!!!!] this fall), I have decided to start making plans for the home front.
future breakfasts:
- muffins
- oatmeal
- pancakes
- omelettes??
decorating scheme: beachfront cottage
colors: pale blue, white, pale yellow
descriptive words: vintage, rustic, homey, crisp, clean
Fruit Soufflé Omelette
Epicurious October 2000
by Don Pintabona
6 tablespoons plus 1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 to 2 apples, pears, peaches, etc. peeled, cored (or pitted), and thinly sliced, or 1 cup berries
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
4 large eggs, separated
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons melted butter
1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
Preparation
1. Combine 1/2 teaspoon of the sugar with the cinnamon. Place the fruit in a small bowl and add the cinnamon-sugar. Toss to combine.
2. Heat the 3 tablespoons butter in a small sauté pan over medium heat. Add the fruit and sauté for about 5 minutes or until the fruit begins to caramelize. Remove from the heat and set aside.
3. Preheat the oven to 375°F.
4. Using an electric mixer, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
5. Using an electric mixer, beat the egg yolks with the remaining sugar until very light and fluffy. Fold in the vanilla and lemon zest. When well blended, fold in the beaten egg whites.
6. Pour the melted butter into a 7-inch, ovenproof omelette pan over medium heat. Place the fruit (if sliced, fan it out) into the pan and pour in the batter to cover the fruit. Cook for 1 1/2 minutes. Place in the preheated oven and bake for about 10 minutes or until the omelette is puffed and golden.
7. Remove from the oven and carefully invert onto a serving plate. Dust with confectioners' sugar and serve.
future breakfasts:
- muffins
- oatmeal
- pancakes
- omelettes??
decorating scheme: beachfront cottage
colors: pale blue, white, pale yellow
descriptive words: vintage, rustic, homey, crisp, clean
Fruit Soufflé Omelette
Epicurious October 2000
by Don Pintabona
6 tablespoons plus 1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 to 2 apples, pears, peaches, etc. peeled, cored (or pitted), and thinly sliced, or 1 cup berries
3 tablespoons unsalted butter
4 large eggs, separated
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated lemon zest
2 teaspoons melted butter
1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
Preparation
1. Combine 1/2 teaspoon of the sugar with the cinnamon. Place the fruit in a small bowl and add the cinnamon-sugar. Toss to combine.
2. Heat the 3 tablespoons butter in a small sauté pan over medium heat. Add the fruit and sauté for about 5 minutes or until the fruit begins to caramelize. Remove from the heat and set aside.
3. Preheat the oven to 375°F.
4. Using an electric mixer, beat the egg whites until stiff peaks form.
5. Using an electric mixer, beat the egg yolks with the remaining sugar until very light and fluffy. Fold in the vanilla and lemon zest. When well blended, fold in the beaten egg whites.
6. Pour the melted butter into a 7-inch, ovenproof omelette pan over medium heat. Place the fruit (if sliced, fan it out) into the pan and pour in the batter to cover the fruit. Cook for 1 1/2 minutes. Place in the preheated oven and bake for about 10 minutes or until the omelette is puffed and golden.
7. Remove from the oven and carefully invert onto a serving plate. Dust with confectioners' sugar and serve.
Friday, June 26, 2009
flourless fudge cookies
Courtesy of King Arthur Flour
Ingredients
2 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional but good
1 cup cocoa powder, Dutch-process (European-style) preferred
3 large egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract*
*For gluten-free cookies, be sure to use gluten-free extract.
9 ounces confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional but good
2 1/4 ounces cocoa powder, Dutch-process (European-style) preferred
3 large egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract*
*For gluten-free cookies, be sure to use gluten-free extract.
Directions
1) Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly grease two baking sheets. Or line with parchment, and grease the parchment.
2) Stir together all of the ingredients till smooth. Scrape the bottom and sides of the bowl, and stir again till smooth.
3) Drop the dough onto the prepared baking sheets in balls about the size of ping pong balls, about 1 1/2"; a tablespoon cookie scoop works well here.
4) Bake the cookies for 8 minutes; they should spread, become somewhat shiny, and develop faintly crackly tops.
5) Remove the cookies from the oven, and allow them to cool right on the pan.
Ingredients
2 1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional but good
1 cup cocoa powder, Dutch-process (European-style) preferred
3 large egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract*
*For gluten-free cookies, be sure to use gluten-free extract.
9 ounces confectioners' sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon espresso powder, optional but good
2 1/4 ounces cocoa powder, Dutch-process (European-style) preferred
3 large egg whites
2 teaspoons vanilla extract*
*For gluten-free cookies, be sure to use gluten-free extract.
Directions
1) Preheat the oven to 350°F. Lightly grease two baking sheets. Or line with parchment, and grease the parchment.
2) Stir together all of the ingredients till smooth. Scrape the bottom and sides of the bowl, and stir again till smooth.
3) Drop the dough onto the prepared baking sheets in balls about the size of ping pong balls, about 1 1/2"; a tablespoon cookie scoop works well here.
4) Bake the cookies for 8 minutes; they should spread, become somewhat shiny, and develop faintly crackly tops.
5) Remove the cookies from the oven, and allow them to cool right on the pan.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
you have to eat oatmeal or you'll dry up. everyone knows that.
Blueberry Almond Oatmeal(This recipe yields 1 serving)
1/4 cup steel-cut oats
1/3 cup fresh of frozen blueberries
1/4 cup milk
1 Tablespoon slivered almonds
1 teaspoon ground flaxseed
Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a medium sauce pan. Add the steel-cut oats. Allow oats to boil for about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to a simmer. Cook for 20 to 25 more minutes - stirring occasionally - until the oats are softened to desired consistency.Turn off heat and stir in all remaining ingredients.
Serve warm. Garnish with additional blueberries and almond slivers.
Whole-Wheat Oatmeal Pancakes
gourmet.com
yield: Makes 4 individual pancakes
active time: 20 min
total time: 30 min
Ingredients
3/4 cup quick-cooking oats
1 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons well-shaken buttermilk, divided
3/4 cup whole-wheat flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 tablespoon packed brown sugar
Accompaniment: sliced bananas or chocolate chips
Preparation
Soak oats in 3/4 cup buttermilk 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in a large bowl.
Stir egg, butter, brown sugar, remaining 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons buttermilk, and oat mixture into dry ingredients until just combined.
Heat a griddle over medium heat until hot and lightly brush with oil. Working in batches, pour 1/4 cup batter per pancake onto griddle and cook until bubbles appear on surface and undersides are golden-brown, about 1 minute. Flip with a spatula and cook other side, about 1 minute more. (Lightly oil griddle between batches.)
1/4 cup steel-cut oats
1/3 cup fresh of frozen blueberries
1/4 cup milk
1 Tablespoon slivered almonds
1 teaspoon ground flaxseed
Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a medium sauce pan. Add the steel-cut oats. Allow oats to boil for about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to a simmer. Cook for 20 to 25 more minutes - stirring occasionally - until the oats are softened to desired consistency.Turn off heat and stir in all remaining ingredients.
Serve warm. Garnish with additional blueberries and almond slivers.
Whole-Wheat Oatmeal Pancakes
gourmet.com
yield: Makes 4 individual pancakes
active time: 20 min
total time: 30 min
Ingredients
3/4 cup quick-cooking oats
1 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons well-shaken buttermilk, divided
3/4 cup whole-wheat flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 tablespoon packed brown sugar
Accompaniment: sliced bananas or chocolate chips
Preparation
Soak oats in 3/4 cup buttermilk 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in a large bowl.
Stir egg, butter, brown sugar, remaining 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons buttermilk, and oat mixture into dry ingredients until just combined.
Heat a griddle over medium heat until hot and lightly brush with oil. Working in batches, pour 1/4 cup batter per pancake onto griddle and cook until bubbles appear on surface and undersides are golden-brown, about 1 minute. Flip with a spatula and cook other side, about 1 minute more. (Lightly oil griddle between batches.)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
peace, prosperity, and quality
So. First day of freedom in fourteen. Oh my... never knew how much working working working can make you appreciate a day of no driving, no wearing black polos and khaki shorts and tennis shoes, nowhere to go, no one to see, nothing planned, and nothing required. Peace.
My lovely day:
- waking at eight (habit)
- an egg-white and cheese on a homemade roll
- correspondence
- "dancing with the stars" workout video
- hot popped popcorn
- sprints in the driveway
- gathering the mail
- grilled chicken, lima beans, halved cherry tomatoes on mixed greens
- cookies and cream ice cream (my favorite)
- reading ridiculous quantities of wedding and inspiration blogs
- singing broadway songs really loudly
- catching up with sister and katie doo wop
- inspecting father's newly woodworked creations
- baking flourless fudge cookies (perfect)
- texting
Ahhhh. So pleasant!
And so inspired from all these gorgeous wedding pictures and party blogs. Oh, how I love sweet summertime.
My lovely day:
- waking at eight (habit)
- an egg-white and cheese on a homemade roll
- correspondence
- "dancing with the stars" workout video
- hot popped popcorn
- sprints in the driveway
- gathering the mail
- grilled chicken, lima beans, halved cherry tomatoes on mixed greens
- cookies and cream ice cream (my favorite)
- reading ridiculous quantities of wedding and inspiration blogs
- singing broadway songs really loudly
- catching up with sister and katie doo wop
- inspecting father's newly woodworked creations
- baking flourless fudge cookies (perfect)
- texting
Ahhhh. So pleasant!
And so inspired from all these gorgeous wedding pictures and party blogs. Oh, how I love sweet summertime.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
bonjour, toast!
Café au Lait Pain Perdu
Perfumed with sweetened espresso and baked to an eggy, custardy consistency, this take on French toast is one of those magical dishes that work just as well for dessert as they do for breakfast.
yield: Makes 6 servings
active time: 10 min
total time: 45 min
12 (1-inch-thick) baguette slices (cut on a long diagonal)
3 tablespoons instant-espresso powder
2 tablespoons hot water
3 cups whole milk
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
Cinnamon for dusting
Accompaniment: whipped cream
Preparation
Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in middle and generously butter a 13- by 9-inch shallow baking dish or pan (3-quart; preferably glass or ceramic).
Arrange bread in 1 layer in baking dish. Dissolve espresso powder in hot water in a large bowl. Whisk in milk, eggs, vanilla, and 1/2 cup sugar until smooth.
Pour custard over bread, then turn slices over several times so they soak up as much custard as possible. Sprinkle top with remaining 2 tablespoons sugar.
Bake until puffed and set, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool in dish on a rack 10 minutes, then dust with cinnamon.
Almost Fat Free French Toast
(This recipe yields 1 serving)
2 slices bread (honey wheat works really well - but any bread will do)
1 tbsp milk
1 egg white
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cinnamon
dash nutmeg
dash cloves
Stir everything together in a flat dish (not the bread!). Soak bread for about 2 minutes on each side. Fry on griddle (using non-stick spray) until nicely browned on both sides, about 4-5 minutes.
Perfumed with sweetened espresso and baked to an eggy, custardy consistency, this take on French toast is one of those magical dishes that work just as well for dessert as they do for breakfast.
yield: Makes 6 servings
active time: 10 min
total time: 45 min
12 (1-inch-thick) baguette slices (cut on a long diagonal)
3 tablespoons instant-espresso powder
2 tablespoons hot water
3 cups whole milk
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
Cinnamon for dusting
Accompaniment: whipped cream
Preparation
Preheat oven to 400°F with rack in middle and generously butter a 13- by 9-inch shallow baking dish or pan (3-quart; preferably glass or ceramic).
Arrange bread in 1 layer in baking dish. Dissolve espresso powder in hot water in a large bowl. Whisk in milk, eggs, vanilla, and 1/2 cup sugar until smooth.
Pour custard over bread, then turn slices over several times so they soak up as much custard as possible. Sprinkle top with remaining 2 tablespoons sugar.
Bake until puffed and set, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool in dish on a rack 10 minutes, then dust with cinnamon.
Almost Fat Free French Toast
(This recipe yields 1 serving)
2 slices bread (honey wheat works really well - but any bread will do)
1 tbsp milk
1 egg white
1/4 tsp vanilla
1/4 tsp cinnamon
dash nutmeg
dash cloves
Stir everything together in a flat dish (not the bread!). Soak bread for about 2 minutes on each side. Fry on griddle (using non-stick spray) until nicely browned on both sides, about 4-5 minutes.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
free livin'
Summertime has come upon us.
I got my B's. I knew they were coming. Inevitable.
I didn't cry, though. Not that bad. I deserved them. It was ok.
Time has been spent ideally since I've gotten home from college.
A trip was instantly taken (the day after my last exam) to Chattanooga to visit my old dear redheaded girl pal. We saw a Shinedown concert and traipsed around the city by foot. Chattanooga is such a lovely place, especially in the warm sunny summer.
Time has been spent seeing old friends (barn party was Monday, dam party was Wednesday), my newly reclaimed boyfriend (traveling from B-wood to C-boro and back numerous times), and dear college friends (even if only for thirty minute increments in a Starbucks parking lot to exchange letters written).
It is good to be home.
Good to be near a stove on which I can whip up some whole-wheat chocolate chip pancakes.
Good to have a big, spacious room of my very own.
Good to have a walk-in closet with a rack that will fit my dress collection.
Good to have roads to run on, trees to admire, birds to listen to, a screened-in porch to eat breakfast on.
And as of yesterday, I am employed for the summer!
Good times.
Good summer.
I love Tennessee. So much.
I love the trees, I love the seasons, I love the birds, I love the hills, I love the people, I love the accents, I love the friendliness, I love it all.
I am lucky to have grown up here.
I got my B's. I knew they were coming. Inevitable.
I didn't cry, though. Not that bad. I deserved them. It was ok.
Time has been spent ideally since I've gotten home from college.
A trip was instantly taken (the day after my last exam) to Chattanooga to visit my old dear redheaded girl pal. We saw a Shinedown concert and traipsed around the city by foot. Chattanooga is such a lovely place, especially in the warm sunny summer.
Time has been spent seeing old friends (barn party was Monday, dam party was Wednesday), my newly reclaimed boyfriend (traveling from B-wood to C-boro and back numerous times), and dear college friends (even if only for thirty minute increments in a Starbucks parking lot to exchange letters written).
It is good to be home.
Good to be near a stove on which I can whip up some whole-wheat chocolate chip pancakes.
Good to have a big, spacious room of my very own.
Good to have a walk-in closet with a rack that will fit my dress collection.
Good to have roads to run on, trees to admire, birds to listen to, a screened-in porch to eat breakfast on.
And as of yesterday, I am employed for the summer!
Good times.
Good summer.
I love Tennessee. So much.
I love the trees, I love the seasons, I love the birds, I love the hills, I love the people, I love the accents, I love the friendliness, I love it all.
I am lucky to have grown up here.
Monday, May 11, 2009
so close i can almost taste it
tearing down the room.
taking down the dresses.
no more white paper chain on the door.
no more caitlyn painting above my twin XL bed.
the picture frames have been placed away.
gum wrappers discarded.
purse upon purse and shoe upon shoe tucked tightly into a plastic sterilite tub.
books packed into sturdy bags to be carried to the book buyback people tomorrow afternoon.
movie ticket stubs and business cards haphazardly thrown here and there among my paper goods.
the time has come to move out of thrailkill hall.
no more lucy-and-desi beds. no more cityscape view.
no more passive-aggressive bitch suitemate.
yep, i'm not thinking i'm going to miss this place all that much.
i'll miss the sense of community (the dormitory attribute i yearned so longingly for all last year).
i'll miss the proximity of living near my college best-friend.
i'll miss the abundance of phi kappa tau boys always in the lobby.
but that's about it.
time has come for change. and change shall come.
moving back home.
time to start anew again.
a chance to make home a haven, someplace welcoming but not binding.
a chance to improve the relationships i have with my parents.
a chance to nurture the relationships i have with old friends from home.
a chance to nurture the relationships i have with new friends within visitation proximity.
a chance to exhibit growth and maturity.
a chance to develop good habits and keep them.
let's not blow those chances, please.
things i want to accomplish this summer:
1. UNPACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! keep room at home tidy and calming. get rid of things with bad karma. discard clutter.
2. read Anne of Green Gables under a shade tree.
3. go running regularly.
4. walk regularly.
5. take advantage of the cumberland trail regularly.
6. stay supersocial.
7. make a decision about majors and minors.
8. throw eleni a wedding shower.
9. contribute to the step-show choreography of my first sorority, phi beta theta delta kappa mu.
10. develop a positive relationship with food, eating, and my body.
11. get a really amazing tan.
12. make significant money.
13. write letters.
14. find myself.
15. attempt a committed relationship. again.
16. road trip.
17. be a better friend.
18. be a better sister.
19. brainstorm socials for the fall. and ideas for yellow rose.
20. get laptop fixed.
21. dance. a LOT.
22. play tennis.
23. play, in general.
24. love.
25. live.
26. feel alive.
27. be aware.
28. learn to cook.
29. sleep.
30. find happiness and peace.
today was stressful.
last day of interning.
american political institution exam.
followed by spanish exam.
returned mel j's skates.
was reimbursed for parking at work.
went for a few hours' worth of a walk.
took a short nap.
oh, life.
i think my overwhelming theme for the summer is going to be awareness.
last summer i focused on feeling alive. running helped that.
easter break's emphasis was on being a better friend.
this summer, i'm going to be aware.
aware of life, aware of my future, aware of my actions, aware of people's perception of me, aware of my perception of me, aware of my body, aware of my words, aware of my motives, aware of my physical presence, and aware of the world around me.
all my life i want to strive to be a better person and to make everything i do intentional.
i know it's a little lofty, but it's a good goal.
taking down the dresses.
no more white paper chain on the door.
no more caitlyn painting above my twin XL bed.
the picture frames have been placed away.
gum wrappers discarded.
purse upon purse and shoe upon shoe tucked tightly into a plastic sterilite tub.
books packed into sturdy bags to be carried to the book buyback people tomorrow afternoon.
movie ticket stubs and business cards haphazardly thrown here and there among my paper goods.
the time has come to move out of thrailkill hall.
no more lucy-and-desi beds. no more cityscape view.
no more passive-aggressive bitch suitemate.
yep, i'm not thinking i'm going to miss this place all that much.
i'll miss the sense of community (the dormitory attribute i yearned so longingly for all last year).
i'll miss the proximity of living near my college best-friend.
i'll miss the abundance of phi kappa tau boys always in the lobby.
but that's about it.
time has come for change. and change shall come.
moving back home.
time to start anew again.
a chance to make home a haven, someplace welcoming but not binding.
a chance to improve the relationships i have with my parents.
a chance to nurture the relationships i have with old friends from home.
a chance to nurture the relationships i have with new friends within visitation proximity.
a chance to exhibit growth and maturity.
a chance to develop good habits and keep them.
let's not blow those chances, please.
things i want to accomplish this summer:
1. UNPACK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! keep room at home tidy and calming. get rid of things with bad karma. discard clutter.
2. read Anne of Green Gables under a shade tree.
3. go running regularly.
4. walk regularly.
5. take advantage of the cumberland trail regularly.
6. stay supersocial.
7. make a decision about majors and minors.
8. throw eleni a wedding shower.
9. contribute to the step-show choreography of my first sorority, phi beta theta delta kappa mu.
10. develop a positive relationship with food, eating, and my body.
11. get a really amazing tan.
12. make significant money.
13. write letters.
14. find myself.
15. attempt a committed relationship. again.
16. road trip.
17. be a better friend.
18. be a better sister.
19. brainstorm socials for the fall. and ideas for yellow rose.
20. get laptop fixed.
21. dance. a LOT.
22. play tennis.
23. play, in general.
24. love.
25. live.
26. feel alive.
27. be aware.
28. learn to cook.
29. sleep.
30. find happiness and peace.
today was stressful.
last day of interning.
american political institution exam.
followed by spanish exam.
returned mel j's skates.
was reimbursed for parking at work.
went for a few hours' worth of a walk.
took a short nap.
oh, life.
i think my overwhelming theme for the summer is going to be awareness.
last summer i focused on feeling alive. running helped that.
easter break's emphasis was on being a better friend.
this summer, i'm going to be aware.
aware of life, aware of my future, aware of my actions, aware of people's perception of me, aware of my perception of me, aware of my body, aware of my words, aware of my motives, aware of my physical presence, and aware of the world around me.
all my life i want to strive to be a better person and to make everything i do intentional.
i know it's a little lofty, but it's a good goal.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
transfer
okay, so, i've taken it upon myself to start transferring posts from my dear old blog onto this one. perhaps maybe i can be a regular poster on a legit blog site. although i really do hate this blogspot layout and would much prefer to keep my blogs where they come from.
so forgive the unspaced sentences, the ''s instead of ?'s, and all the sorts of little troubles that happen when you try to move ideas from one technology to the next.
and forgive the fact that there's a vast, enormously wide supply of blog entries on the other one and only a handful here. one day i'll bind them all together and make one beautiful book of the progress of kelly's mind.
love. peace.
so forgive the unspaced sentences, the ''s instead of ?'s, and all the sorts of little troubles that happen when you try to move ideas from one technology to the next.
and forgive the fact that there's a vast, enormously wide supply of blog entries on the other one and only a handful here. one day i'll bind them all together and make one beautiful book of the progress of kelly's mind.
love. peace.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
as a grandmother, i would like to be called lola.
Baby names.
Noah.
ELI.
Elias.
Elijah.
Elliott.
Felix.
Finn (♥ ).
Giuseppe.
Oliver.
Jack.
Lyndsey.
Malachi.
Zechariah.
Phineas.
Eleanor.
Camille.
Gillian.
Emily.
Amelia.
Madeleine.
Molly.
Betsy.
Beth.
Lillian.
Olivia.
How I love them so. I think the best way of living is to wake up in the mornings and aim to make that day's purpose to be a better person.
Aim to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better citizen, a better student.
A little less selfish, a little more considerate, a little sweeter, a little more genuine, a little more thoughtful.
Little things.
Being mindful.
Insightful.
Loving.
Intentional.
Driven.
Purposeful.
I need to go for a walk now. :)
Noah.
ELI.
Elias.
Elijah.
Elliott.
Felix.
Finn (♥ ).
Giuseppe.
Oliver.
Jack.
Lyndsey.
Malachi.
Zechariah.
Phineas.
Eleanor.
Camille.
Gillian.
Emily.
Amelia.
Madeleine.
Molly.
Betsy.
Beth.
Lillian.
Olivia.
How I love them so. I think the best way of living is to wake up in the mornings and aim to make that day's purpose to be a better person.
Aim to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better citizen, a better student.
A little less selfish, a little more considerate, a little sweeter, a little more genuine, a little more thoughtful.
Little things.
Being mindful.
Insightful.
Loving.
Intentional.
Driven.
Purposeful.
I need to go for a walk now. :)
Sunday, March 8, 2009
i could be unshakeable
I had a sneaking suspicion tonight.The sneaking suspicion was that I don't actually like myself.This is a problem.This problem is magnified on the days that I don't have a million things to distract myself like during the week.During the week, I can occupy my thoughts with "must turn this form in!" or "finish Nutrition module homework!" or "read this chapter!" or "go to class!" or "go work out!" or "check BlackBoard in the computer lab!" or any other number of tasks.The week's always the busiest time.I have signatures to obtain to get events approved, classes to attend, an internship to work, meals to eat, friends to visit.And then the weekend comes along.I have to have something to do on the weekends or I get antsy.I freak out.I'll drive from Nashville to Chapmansboro to Murfreesboro, driving driving driving, just to have something to do.I'll go to Trader Joe's, stock up on veggie burgers and apples and Ezekiel bread.I call up Meredith, and find a party.I call up Caleb, and find a party.I call up Michael, and find a party.I call up Melanie, and find a party.I have to have someplace to go, some thing to do. Somewhere to go.I have to distract myself.When I go home, I binge eat. I bake, so I have something to do, and then I binge eat. And then once I'm done eating myself sick, I exercise. Hours and hours and hours. Hours prepping, hours baking, hours eating, hours exercising.No time for anything else.No time for thinking.Just do, do, do, do, do, do, do.I have to have something to do.Why do I always have to have everything to do?What am I distracting myself from?What am I trying my hardest not to feel? Why don't I like myself?If anyone should like me, it should be me.Is this, like, a major component of self-discovery?Deciding you like or don't like yourself?
Aren't you supposed to like yourself?
It seems like life would go so much smoother if you did.
Why wouldn't I like myself?
I mean, I know myself best.
I should be my own best friend.
I understand myself the most. I know what I'm thinking.
I know all my flaws and all my strengths.
Do I even know who I am?
Maybe that's the problem.
I don't guess I do.
I'm trying like crazy to figure that out.
Why's it so freaking hard to know yourself? Do normal people know themselves? How long does it take to figure it out?
God, I need to go back to counseling. I don't like using people.
I don't like treating people like objects.
I feel like I do that sometimes.
Pretty often, if I want to be honest.
That's part of the reason I don't like myself.
I think I'm mean.
And I treat people like objects, using them and discarding them.
I don't want to think I'm like that, but I think I am. Maybe I'm afraid I am.
So what is that supposed to mean?
That I'm a horrible person and I should like myself because of it? What? How is that logical?
I need something. Someone? Someone who understands? Someone to talk things through with? Someone who knows me?
Sometimes I'm afraid no one really knows me at college.
Is that all I want?
"what's going on inside of me? i despise my own behavior. this only serves to confirm i'm still a man in need of a savior."
Amazing how some lyrics can pinpoint exactly what's going on in me.
I've always loved that song, "In the Light" (dc Talk).
It used to come on the radio just when I needed it.
Then I went out and bought the CD.
At Wal-Mart.With a gift card Ben Shearron gave me for h.s. graduation.
I do need God.I'm not ashamed of that.I'm not embarrassed about that.
I think I've been embarrassed about that.
That's so stupid.
SO stupid.
I think it stemmed from wanting to impress this one boy several years ago that would criticize me for loving/needing God.
I decided that using God as a reason behind doing things was stupid... that it was a cop-out almost.
But you know what?The only time I've been really, truly happy... the only time my heart has actually felt whole... those are the times I feel on the same page as God.
God's the only thing that can give me peace.
My friend Jameson was telling me this story the other day about an alcoholic drinking himself obliterated at a bar, and how he had this vision of Jesus sitting on a barstool beside him telling him "When you're done with that, I have something better for you."
It gave Jameson chills.It gives me chills, too.
Just imagine that.
You can have all the alcohol, all the drugs, all the sex, all the porn, all the food, all the attention in the world... but there's something better out there. There is something better than anything you can accumulate in this world.
Isn't that incredible? Absolutely incredible.
There is something more than this world.
There is something more than this world.
There is something more than this life.There is something more than you can get in this life.
There is something more.
There is hope. Because there is something more.
It overwhelms me completely.
I cannot fathom the greatness that exists.
And it does exist.
I am never going to be happy until I'm pursuing the life I know I need to lead.I'm never going to be perfect.
I'm never going to be flawless. I'm never going to be completely worthy, or even necessarily worthy at all. But I can't be paralyzed by that.
I am better than the way I've been living.
And something better is out there for me.
How can I expect to be happy living a life I don't think is mine?I do all these things, and I pretend it's me, but I know it's not.
I don't even claim the behavior as my own.
I do it, and then I say, "Oh, but that's not really me."
I try not to take responsibility for it because I don't feel like I have to, because I detach myself from it.
I am so much better than the way I've been.
I need help.
It's not going to be easy doing things differently.
It's so easy to get caught up in patterns and routines and the status quo.But things can be different.
I can be different.
I can be better.
A couple weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend named Kim. She's an honors student, a driven, accomplished girl that studies ALL the time; she's constantly doing homework or writing papers or preparing for tests and presentations, and consequently, she suffers from a lot of anxiety. Kim freaks out all the time, and then she freaks out that she's freaking out, and that makes her freak out. But somehow, amidst all of this, she exudes this peacefulness that puts everyone around her at ease. She is peace. And once someone told her this, she was astonished, but it changed her.
I told her that day at lunch about my issues... my problems with surrendering control, struggling with moderation, feeling completely helpless and out of control. And she told me I could be unshakeable. There's something about me to her that is so immovable, so powerful and stable. If I can channel it, if I can realize it, I could be unshakeable.
I'm going to try for it.
Aren't you supposed to like yourself?
It seems like life would go so much smoother if you did.
Why wouldn't I like myself?
I mean, I know myself best.
I should be my own best friend.
I understand myself the most. I know what I'm thinking.
I know all my flaws and all my strengths.
Do I even know who I am?
Maybe that's the problem.
I don't guess I do.
I'm trying like crazy to figure that out.
Why's it so freaking hard to know yourself? Do normal people know themselves? How long does it take to figure it out?
God, I need to go back to counseling. I don't like using people.
I don't like treating people like objects.
I feel like I do that sometimes.
Pretty often, if I want to be honest.
That's part of the reason I don't like myself.
I think I'm mean.
And I treat people like objects, using them and discarding them.
I don't want to think I'm like that, but I think I am. Maybe I'm afraid I am.
So what is that supposed to mean?
That I'm a horrible person and I should like myself because of it? What? How is that logical?
I need something. Someone? Someone who understands? Someone to talk things through with? Someone who knows me?
Sometimes I'm afraid no one really knows me at college.
Is that all I want?
"what's going on inside of me? i despise my own behavior. this only serves to confirm i'm still a man in need of a savior."
Amazing how some lyrics can pinpoint exactly what's going on in me.
I've always loved that song, "In the Light" (dc Talk).
It used to come on the radio just when I needed it.
Then I went out and bought the CD.
At Wal-Mart.With a gift card Ben Shearron gave me for h.s. graduation.
I do need God.I'm not ashamed of that.I'm not embarrassed about that.
I think I've been embarrassed about that.
That's so stupid.
SO stupid.
I think it stemmed from wanting to impress this one boy several years ago that would criticize me for loving/needing God.
I decided that using God as a reason behind doing things was stupid... that it was a cop-out almost.
But you know what?The only time I've been really, truly happy... the only time my heart has actually felt whole... those are the times I feel on the same page as God.
God's the only thing that can give me peace.
My friend Jameson was telling me this story the other day about an alcoholic drinking himself obliterated at a bar, and how he had this vision of Jesus sitting on a barstool beside him telling him "When you're done with that, I have something better for you."
It gave Jameson chills.It gives me chills, too.
Just imagine that.
You can have all the alcohol, all the drugs, all the sex, all the porn, all the food, all the attention in the world... but there's something better out there. There is something better than anything you can accumulate in this world.
Isn't that incredible? Absolutely incredible.
There is something more than this world.
There is something more than this world.
There is something more than this life.There is something more than you can get in this life.
There is something more.
There is hope. Because there is something more.
It overwhelms me completely.
I cannot fathom the greatness that exists.
And it does exist.
I am never going to be happy until I'm pursuing the life I know I need to lead.I'm never going to be perfect.
I'm never going to be flawless. I'm never going to be completely worthy, or even necessarily worthy at all. But I can't be paralyzed by that.
I am better than the way I've been living.
And something better is out there for me.
How can I expect to be happy living a life I don't think is mine?I do all these things, and I pretend it's me, but I know it's not.
I don't even claim the behavior as my own.
I do it, and then I say, "Oh, but that's not really me."
I try not to take responsibility for it because I don't feel like I have to, because I detach myself from it.
I am so much better than the way I've been.
I need help.
It's not going to be easy doing things differently.
It's so easy to get caught up in patterns and routines and the status quo.But things can be different.
I can be different.
I can be better.
A couple weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend named Kim. She's an honors student, a driven, accomplished girl that studies ALL the time; she's constantly doing homework or writing papers or preparing for tests and presentations, and consequently, she suffers from a lot of anxiety. Kim freaks out all the time, and then she freaks out that she's freaking out, and that makes her freak out. But somehow, amidst all of this, she exudes this peacefulness that puts everyone around her at ease. She is peace. And once someone told her this, she was astonished, but it changed her.
I told her that day at lunch about my issues... my problems with surrendering control, struggling with moderation, feeling completely helpless and out of control. And she told me I could be unshakeable. There's something about me to her that is so immovable, so powerful and stable. If I can channel it, if I can realize it, I could be unshakeable.
I'm going to try for it.
Friday, January 30, 2009
tippy-toes
Yellow and red hair and flowers and dresses and things make me happy.
I love all the pale blue that's coming out for spring. It's lovely...Anthro had quite a selection.Love Anthro.I got this beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful lace top Mon. night.It's see-through, but when you stick it over my pale yellow-and-cream polka-dotted camisole, it's perfect.
I'm loving this color font.Yes.
I'm also loving hair dye.I had my hair dyed three times this week.Tuesday was Day 1, in which my hair basically turned back to my natural color, dark blond.Wednesday was Day 2, in which my hair turned half a shade redder than dark blond. It made me think of the word "chestnut". A pale chestnut.And Thursday, Day 3, was the charm... although a bit more pronounced than the strawberry blond I was aiming for, we didn't dilute the tint formula at all, and my hair finally turned reddish.And I love.I love red hair with yellow, and yellow's my favorite color.I love red hair with green, and I have a TON of green.And basically, I just love red hair.
Julianna and I were spontaneous last night and went to Cool Springs with Drew and his friends to see a midnight showing of "Gran Torino." While the movie was def. a GUY movie and we weren't too psyched about it afterwards, it was worth it, and things were good.I got to climb on the roof of the theatre and see the lit-up city.Granted, of course, the view was quite like that which I can see from our dorm room (only it wasn't downtown Nashville and wasn't quite as impressive), but it was just cool to do it.
Drew is coming toniiiight to walk with me around campus.Like we used to do.Of course, it'll be more like the times we'd go after we'd stopped dating, but I'm used to that. I'm ok with it. I can handle it.I can be his friend like I was last year.As much as I was...Hmm.
This is such a pretty color.
I should maybe be a little more serious about things, like school, and work, and life, and whatnot... but for now, I feel carefree and contented with that.
I sort of have a headache.It may be sleep-deprivation-induced.
Maybe I can pop a couple Advils.
I think Advil tastes like M&Ms. (But I hate taking pills, so I don't eat them like candy, don't worry.)
Life is so much more streamlined and less complicated when I concentrate my affections to one boy.Even if my affections may be wasted.
I don't actually LIKE leading people on and going out with a different guy every night of the weekend. I mean, I enjoy their company, of course, but I know what the selection's like out there, and I'd rather just be selective.
I wonder how long this is going to last.
Is it weird that I like to look at couples' I know facebook wall-to-wall posts and examine the way they've communicated to one another throughout their relationship?And stalk their pictures.
I love the way couples can be so perfect for each other.I do.
I should get off facebook now, I think. Time to do something legit.
evening, y'all!..
I love all the pale blue that's coming out for spring. It's lovely...Anthro had quite a selection.Love Anthro.I got this beautiful beautiful beautiful beautiful lace top Mon. night.It's see-through, but when you stick it over my pale yellow-and-cream polka-dotted camisole, it's perfect.
I'm loving this color font.Yes.
I'm also loving hair dye.I had my hair dyed three times this week.Tuesday was Day 1, in which my hair basically turned back to my natural color, dark blond.Wednesday was Day 2, in which my hair turned half a shade redder than dark blond. It made me think of the word "chestnut". A pale chestnut.And Thursday, Day 3, was the charm... although a bit more pronounced than the strawberry blond I was aiming for, we didn't dilute the tint formula at all, and my hair finally turned reddish.And I love.I love red hair with yellow, and yellow's my favorite color.I love red hair with green, and I have a TON of green.And basically, I just love red hair.
Julianna and I were spontaneous last night and went to Cool Springs with Drew and his friends to see a midnight showing of "Gran Torino." While the movie was def. a GUY movie and we weren't too psyched about it afterwards, it was worth it, and things were good.I got to climb on the roof of the theatre and see the lit-up city.Granted, of course, the view was quite like that which I can see from our dorm room (only it wasn't downtown Nashville and wasn't quite as impressive), but it was just cool to do it.
Drew is coming toniiiight to walk with me around campus.Like we used to do.Of course, it'll be more like the times we'd go after we'd stopped dating, but I'm used to that. I'm ok with it. I can handle it.I can be his friend like I was last year.As much as I was...Hmm.
This is such a pretty color.
I should maybe be a little more serious about things, like school, and work, and life, and whatnot... but for now, I feel carefree and contented with that.
I sort of have a headache.It may be sleep-deprivation-induced.
Maybe I can pop a couple Advils.
I think Advil tastes like M&Ms. (But I hate taking pills, so I don't eat them like candy, don't worry.)
Life is so much more streamlined and less complicated when I concentrate my affections to one boy.Even if my affections may be wasted.
I don't actually LIKE leading people on and going out with a different guy every night of the weekend. I mean, I enjoy their company, of course, but I know what the selection's like out there, and I'd rather just be selective.
I wonder how long this is going to last.
Is it weird that I like to look at couples' I know facebook wall-to-wall posts and examine the way they've communicated to one another throughout their relationship?And stalk their pictures.
I love the way couples can be so perfect for each other.I do.
I should get off facebook now, I think. Time to do something legit.
evening, y'all!..
Thursday, January 22, 2009
OUT
Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
No. That would be kind of cool. Especially if they were dead and pressed up against something.
Haha. I'm not trying to be morbid. I just really like pressed butterflies.
You know, now that I think of it... maybe it's not butterflies that people normally press; it's flowers.
Hmm. That changes things.
Am I a weird or evil person for wanting to crush butterflies in their lovely dead perfection?
I am a weird person, of course.My roommate lovingly calls out to me, "Good afternoon, Crazy."
I am quite possibly criminally mad. But that's ok. It's me.
I'm going to be one of those girls tonight at yoga.You know.
The ones that don't wear pants.
The ones that wear leggings and a t-shirt and called it being "dressed."
Yes, I will be one of those girls.
Not in public... well, as public as the yoga room is, but besides that, I'm not going to be prancing around campus or even the small gym pantsless.
Just the yoga room.
And it's not because I think my legs in leggings are just soooooo hot or because I'm morally opposed to pants.
It's because I get hot in sweat PANTS.
And because I get cold in SHORTS.And because wearing shorts over leggings makes my shorts ride up and that's not what I want to be thinking about when I'm doing yoga. Ommm.
I'm OUT.
Joseph Biden... how I love thee.
Omg. I just saw pictures from a "Daisy Duke" competition sponsored by a fraternity.
What the heck? Who does that? I mean, I know there are worse things. Wet t-shirt competitions, for one.
But seriously...how deficient of self-respect are people, really?
I mean, I like legs as much as the next person. Maybe even more. They're my favorite body part.
But prancing around with a tied-up shirt and cutoff jorts so tiny that your butt hangs out... dannng.
I guess it's no worse than a bikini. I mean, bikinis are smaller than underwear in several circumstances, and I'm all about wearing bikinis.
But still... perhaps it's the suggestiveness.
It just exudes trashy.Maybe it's all in good fun. No big deal. I've probably worn, seen, or done worse.
But even if I worked out enough to have the most beautiful, athletic, gorgeous leg muscles and I knew I'd win... I still don't think I'd participate.
Hmm.
If I were in a Miss Something competition, I'd do the bathing suit portion. Does that make me a hypocrite? Purposefully exposing myself, subjecting my barely-covered body to judgment and critique? Would it really be worth that? I mean, I think it would be fun to be a Miss Something.
I'd want it just for the title (and perhaps the tiara). But... I don't know. Maybe that's why I've never done one. Maybe I never felt up to par enough to do one.....
I wonder if it's weird that I use abbrevs like "omg" and whatnot in my everyday speech. Or annoying.Hmm.
Time for bed, methinks.
I shall leave with a list of things I like:
- Vanilla Almond Special K. Addictive.
- Craving Coral Revlon nail polish. Because I wear nail polish this year, apparently.
- The Office.
- Doing lunch.
- Dresses.
- Having a white ritual dress I love love love.
- Small utensils and dinnerware.
- Clothes that tell stories, even if they're painful stories.
- Curly hair.
- Hair dye. Well-dyed hair.
- Country Living.
- Laken.
- Yellow.
- Thank-you notes.
- Singalongs.
- Lilly Pulitzer and Kate Spade books.
- Going to the bathroom.
- My "five years younger" older sister.
- Working out. Even if it's 6 o'clock and not even God's awake.
- Raspberries. Frozen. With whipped cream.
- Sperry's.
- High heels and being used to them so they don't hurt.
- Being warm.
- Spring break.
- Legs.
- Joe Biden.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
forget regret, or life is yours to miss
I have "So This is Christmas" stuck in my head. Don't ask. I don't even know.
Today marked the official beginnings of my social chairing.I met with ATO's SC and discussed our future mixer.I'm super-pumped about it, too.
I sort of double-booked one of our dates, though, so I'm going to have to work things out with Phi Tau.But it's going to be great, all of it.
I've been doing very well with working out, eating well, and not mindlessly snacking.I'm proud of myself.You'd think that the whole New Year resolution hype and whatnot would be sort of discouraging and half-hearted, since that's when everyone and their mother fails at doing what they want, but just having all this constant awareness from the people around me (ie, the cram-packed student gym, people ordering salads, consistent "health"-speak) is incredibly encouraging. I like it. And I have full confidence in my ability to maintain my habits. I've done it before. I can do it again. And I will.
I'm not going to go about it exactly in the same way... 1) because it's impossible for me to do so [I don't have the food resources I have at home, nor do I have time for 4-hour naps every day and unlimited access to a treadmill at 1AM] and 2) because last time I got carried away with the "Let's see how much weight I can possibly lose!" mentality and got too little. I think my motivations are a little better. I'm not starving myself [not that I starved myself to begin with last time... it just sort of elevated into a schism of that once depression of college set in], I'm working out to be more muscular and strong, and I'm doing this for long-run health benefits (and vanity, of course... but it's long-term vanity). I don't want my habits to become a temporary fix where I just get ridiculously skinny and then feel deprived and make myself physically sick eating all of the cookies I bake later on due to my body's natural survival mechanisms. I want to enjoy food but behave myself around it. And I need to be fit.
Youth is the time to take advantage of being able to easily obtain a girly six-pack and wear high heels.
Why waste that?
I'll tell you this... overindulging in CEREAL in attempts to procrastinate doing homework is NOT WORTH IT.
And a bag of chips at lunch really isn't providing me with that much joy, either.Yeah, it may taste good at the time, but living without it is not robbing me of quality of life.
So there.
On the boy front, there's been some drama-drama, but it's mostly chill now.I don't really like dating, but I still do it.And I'll continue to do it, as long as people continue to ask me out.You never know.Maybe I'll go on a date with someone I genuinely like.Maybe not.Maybe I'm spent, romantically.It feels like that a lot.I'm still not over Drew, that's for sure.I don't know what my problem is for why it takes me so long and feels so painful, but there we have it. It's just part of me now.At least the memories are beautiful. (And that they are.)My interest in boys hasn't exactly waned.While it has been rather fleeting thus far, I at least know I'm not about to join a convent or a nearby lezzie farm (excuse me for the politically incorrect terminology... I'm alluding to Georgia Nicolson books).
Boys boys boys.Still don't really get them.But that doesn't keep me from trying.
School is going well. Still waiting on a couple textbooks to arrive, but it should only be a matter of time.I'm going to do better this semester.
I can't put off my homework until mornings-of anymore, since I have my internship now.That's a good thing.As long as I do it in the afternoon/evenings and go to bed at a reasonable time, I'm coo.
This weekend will herald my first trip to UT-Chattanooga!!I'm going to see my dear friends Katie, Logan, and Bradley, and it will be wonderful and I am oh-so-very-excited, and I hope it goes marvelously.I found my camera on Monday night, so I am good to go now.
Well, naptime is calling my name right now. More later. Love....
Today marked the official beginnings of my social chairing.I met with ATO's SC and discussed our future mixer.I'm super-pumped about it, too.
I sort of double-booked one of our dates, though, so I'm going to have to work things out with Phi Tau.But it's going to be great, all of it.
I've been doing very well with working out, eating well, and not mindlessly snacking.I'm proud of myself.You'd think that the whole New Year resolution hype and whatnot would be sort of discouraging and half-hearted, since that's when everyone and their mother fails at doing what they want, but just having all this constant awareness from the people around me (ie, the cram-packed student gym, people ordering salads, consistent "health"-speak) is incredibly encouraging. I like it. And I have full confidence in my ability to maintain my habits. I've done it before. I can do it again. And I will.
I'm not going to go about it exactly in the same way... 1) because it's impossible for me to do so [I don't have the food resources I have at home, nor do I have time for 4-hour naps every day and unlimited access to a treadmill at 1AM] and 2) because last time I got carried away with the "Let's see how much weight I can possibly lose!" mentality and got too little. I think my motivations are a little better. I'm not starving myself [not that I starved myself to begin with last time... it just sort of elevated into a schism of that once depression of college set in], I'm working out to be more muscular and strong, and I'm doing this for long-run health benefits (and vanity, of course... but it's long-term vanity). I don't want my habits to become a temporary fix where I just get ridiculously skinny and then feel deprived and make myself physically sick eating all of the cookies I bake later on due to my body's natural survival mechanisms. I want to enjoy food but behave myself around it. And I need to be fit.
Youth is the time to take advantage of being able to easily obtain a girly six-pack and wear high heels.
Why waste that?
I'll tell you this... overindulging in CEREAL in attempts to procrastinate doing homework is NOT WORTH IT.
And a bag of chips at lunch really isn't providing me with that much joy, either.Yeah, it may taste good at the time, but living without it is not robbing me of quality of life.
So there.
On the boy front, there's been some drama-drama, but it's mostly chill now.I don't really like dating, but I still do it.And I'll continue to do it, as long as people continue to ask me out.You never know.Maybe I'll go on a date with someone I genuinely like.Maybe not.Maybe I'm spent, romantically.It feels like that a lot.I'm still not over Drew, that's for sure.I don't know what my problem is for why it takes me so long and feels so painful, but there we have it. It's just part of me now.At least the memories are beautiful. (And that they are.)My interest in boys hasn't exactly waned.While it has been rather fleeting thus far, I at least know I'm not about to join a convent or a nearby lezzie farm (excuse me for the politically incorrect terminology... I'm alluding to Georgia Nicolson books).
Boys boys boys.Still don't really get them.But that doesn't keep me from trying.
School is going well. Still waiting on a couple textbooks to arrive, but it should only be a matter of time.I'm going to do better this semester.
I can't put off my homework until mornings-of anymore, since I have my internship now.That's a good thing.As long as I do it in the afternoon/evenings and go to bed at a reasonable time, I'm coo.
This weekend will herald my first trip to UT-Chattanooga!!I'm going to see my dear friends Katie, Logan, and Bradley, and it will be wonderful and I am oh-so-very-excited, and I hope it goes marvelously.I found my camera on Monday night, so I am good to go now.
Well, naptime is calling my name right now. More later. Love....
Sunday, January 11, 2009
back and rearing
I'm cold, but I'm back (at school). And rearing to go.I woke up this morning knowing that I would be making my way back to Belmont in the afternoon.I decided I didn't want to go.But I had to, so I ate my little breakfast roll (because I wanted to cook something for the last time before coming back to a dorm), made my hair a little more curly, and started to finish packing.And then by one o'clock, I had finally gotten the gazillions of bags of clothes, hats, shoes, Cheerios, makeup, green Christmas lights, journals, magazines, bedding, and hangers downstairs and transported them to my lovely little red car.With a couple of goodbyes, a surprise kiss-on-the-top-of-the-head from my father, "I-love-yous" and "I'll-call-yous," and a U-turn at the foot of the driveway to go get my running shoes, I was off.I listened to the radio. Mostly I like 107.5, but I'm a chronic station-switcher, so I went back and forth and back and forth so on.And then I got to school.And I was running late (of course).And I had food that needed to be refrigerated, and I wanted to brush my teeth, so I had to go drop by my dorm.So I pulled into the handicap spot, pushed the little hazard lights on, grabbed a couple of bags out of my trunk, and dashed up the stairs.I unlocked my door and realized I'd left the stupid bag of food.But it didn't matter; it was cold cold cold outside, so it'd keep for a couple hours.I did, however, grab my toothbrush, and proceeded to lock my door and brush my teeth down the elevator. I ran into a couple sorority sisters moving into TK and made my attempts at saying hi whilst brushing my teeth still.And then I ran to the bathroom, spit, and came dashing through the hall.And to my wonderful surprise, I ran into Heather, my dear friend who is an RA. And said my very enthusiastic hello-and-how-are-you?, and then I was off to the Student Center.And it's good to be back.I love seeing people I know.I love smiling at people.And I can't help but do it a LOT around these here parts.I hardly even know how happy I am to see people until I see them, and then I shock us both with my enthusiasm.Mmm... college.It's everything I wanted it to be now. In other news, I still have one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-NINE bags left to unpack, an extra-large twin bed to make, and some stamps to find.I should probably turn on the heater, too. I was burning up from unpacking my car, so I turned on the AC, and now I'm chilly.I've missed this place.I think sometimes maybe I'm only truly, completely happy here.That sort of worries me, you know, because it's different than all the ways I've felt before; home used to be the only place I found solace.I don't want to call here home, necessarily, although I'm not near as rigid about it as I was last year.Because home is home. This needs a new name.It's like how Laken Myers will always be my best friend.Regardless of who I meet and bond with and spend time with and love and cherish, I will never have the same relationship with anyone else as I do with Laken.And Laken's got the title of Kelly's best friend, so that she shall remain.Anyone else will just have to be something a little different, because they are a little different.So what are you, you beautiful land of education, friends, and a sparkling nighttime cityscape which I am looking at right now? Besides Belmont, of course. You need a pet name.Maybe I'll call you my "place at ease." That's a little wordy, but something else can come with time. Haven! Haven's a nice synonym. I am haven. Well, that doesn't exactly sound as good as I am home, but whatever.It's good to be back.
Friday, January 9, 2009
No clouds in my storms/Let it rain/I hydroplane in the bank/Comin’ down with the Dow Jones
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
remember that utterly crap Mariah Carey movie?
Hmmm.
I'm reading Twilight at last.And yes, I like it.Yes, I am addicted.
I even have a headache from all of this reading.
Actually, saying that I'm reading Twilight is incorrect. I'm on the second book, New Moon. And hopefully, Julianna-willing, I will be onto Books 3 and 4 by tomorrow/Wednesday. And will see the movie next week.
You know, even if it's a little absurd and a bunch of people give Stephanie Meyer hell for having her heroic male be a vampire that glitters, I do like glitter a lot. I forgive her.
I think I'm beginning to develop a fear of dogs.I really don't like dogs.I like our birddog, Pretty, somewhat, but even she can snarl and growl and get vicious and I don't like that. (Speaking of which, she ate an ENTIRE cheesecake within 24 hours! Good LORD. Normal dogs don't eat that much cheesecake, do they? Or do all dogs just eat whatever's in their little dog-bowls?)Maybe I would like a calm, sweet dog that didn't smell and left me alone. Not a little annoying yappy dog, but a medium-sized good-tempered dog.I liked my old German Shepherd, Angel, but she was still a bit big and ferocious. She ate my cats.You know, cats are the only animals I really like. Well, cats and wolverines, but you can't have a wolverine in your house.I think I would like a cat.A big white fluffy one, perhaps. Any big fluffy one, really. Hmm. But then it'd shed. Crap.I don't know. I do like cats, though.I don't want to be a cat lady with an odorous house, but I wouldn't mind a neutral-smelling, pretty, nice cat.But back to why I think I'm afraid of dogs now...So, I like to go running outside (it's so much less boring than the treadmill!), but I don't go as much as I'd like to because I DREAD these stupid big white fluffy dogs that are enormous and positively vicious. They've bitten my mother before.The last time I went running, I had to run with this gigantic tree branch that I picked up. And I was glad that I did pick it up, because sure enough, as I'm bounding my way back home past Chicken Man's house, those stupid dogs come chasing me and barking. Eventually when I realized I couldn't outrun them, I stopped abruptly, whipped around, and brandished my tree branch, hollering in a brusque voice, "GET BACK!" I would've said something along the lines of "Get away from me, you stupid-freaking-hobags!" but dogs don't understand literary nuance. I hate dogs.Dani's stupid freaking dog got loose when I was trying to walk her on my birthday this year. I was positive that I was going to be responsible for killing my disabled (her foot was broken at the time) sister's pet, and that seriously bothered me. I felt like I had zero control over the whole situation. I tried to do everything in my power to get her back, but she was too fast and too stubborn. Thank GOD these random people chased her into some other random person's apartment and tackled her so that I could get her leash back on. Otherwise, she would be squished on the highway and my birthday would have been completely ruined.I HATE dogs.
Anyways, on my way downstairs to fetch my bottled water, I saw Pretty sleeping on the couch and had to tiptoe around her so she wouldn't rip my face apart with her teeth if I woke her, and it reminded me of vampires, so that was how I connected the two thoughts.
My whole not-getting-over-the-guy-who-broke-up-with-me-two-months-ago thing is getting old faster than a month-old carton of cottage cheese that no one really wanted. I think I'm seriously annoying the [I-don't-really-know-what] out of a bunch of people (particularly my roommate, who never hears the end of it) by constantly bringing him and it up. Stupid boy. It would be one thing if I just stopped dating, became jaded by love (and consequently stopped believing in it), and lived in silent turmoil over the whole situation. But no, I choose to rehash it every available chance I get. And I'm like four pages away from having completely filled that stupid journal I write to him. I wonder if writing in it is actually inhibiting me from getting over him. Who knows? But really... I don't want to get over him. So I'm not. And as long as I keep up this attitude, I won't. [I wonder if that's a problem. What would make that qualify as a problem?]
I'm going strawberry blonde as soon as possible. And then I think I want to go as super-blonde as possible. And then I'll go brunette.I like trying new hair.And college is totally the right time to do it.
God, the broads on The Real Housewives of Orange County (Okay, first off: WTF? Why would you mix The OC and Desperate Housewives??? Why? Why, why, why why?) are ugggggly. Yuck. I do NOT want to look like that when I turn forty. And you'd think that all that plastic surgery and going to the gym would make them prettier somehow. Huh.
My head keeps cursing a lot here lately. I don't know why. I don't get it, but whatev.
I don't think I'm ready to go back to school, but I don't know what I am ready for.More Twilight.... yes.
I'm reading Twilight at last.And yes, I like it.Yes, I am addicted.
I even have a headache from all of this reading.
Actually, saying that I'm reading Twilight is incorrect. I'm on the second book, New Moon. And hopefully, Julianna-willing, I will be onto Books 3 and 4 by tomorrow/Wednesday. And will see the movie next week.
You know, even if it's a little absurd and a bunch of people give Stephanie Meyer hell for having her heroic male be a vampire that glitters, I do like glitter a lot. I forgive her.
I think I'm beginning to develop a fear of dogs.I really don't like dogs.I like our birddog, Pretty, somewhat, but even she can snarl and growl and get vicious and I don't like that. (Speaking of which, she ate an ENTIRE cheesecake within 24 hours! Good LORD. Normal dogs don't eat that much cheesecake, do they? Or do all dogs just eat whatever's in their little dog-bowls?)Maybe I would like a calm, sweet dog that didn't smell and left me alone. Not a little annoying yappy dog, but a medium-sized good-tempered dog.I liked my old German Shepherd, Angel, but she was still a bit big and ferocious. She ate my cats.You know, cats are the only animals I really like. Well, cats and wolverines, but you can't have a wolverine in your house.I think I would like a cat.A big white fluffy one, perhaps. Any big fluffy one, really. Hmm. But then it'd shed. Crap.I don't know. I do like cats, though.I don't want to be a cat lady with an odorous house, but I wouldn't mind a neutral-smelling, pretty, nice cat.But back to why I think I'm afraid of dogs now...So, I like to go running outside (it's so much less boring than the treadmill!), but I don't go as much as I'd like to because I DREAD these stupid big white fluffy dogs that are enormous and positively vicious. They've bitten my mother before.The last time I went running, I had to run with this gigantic tree branch that I picked up. And I was glad that I did pick it up, because sure enough, as I'm bounding my way back home past Chicken Man's house, those stupid dogs come chasing me and barking. Eventually when I realized I couldn't outrun them, I stopped abruptly, whipped around, and brandished my tree branch, hollering in a brusque voice, "GET BACK!" I would've said something along the lines of "Get away from me, you stupid-freaking-hobags!" but dogs don't understand literary nuance. I hate dogs.Dani's stupid freaking dog got loose when I was trying to walk her on my birthday this year. I was positive that I was going to be responsible for killing my disabled (her foot was broken at the time) sister's pet, and that seriously bothered me. I felt like I had zero control over the whole situation. I tried to do everything in my power to get her back, but she was too fast and too stubborn. Thank GOD these random people chased her into some other random person's apartment and tackled her so that I could get her leash back on. Otherwise, she would be squished on the highway and my birthday would have been completely ruined.I HATE dogs.
Anyways, on my way downstairs to fetch my bottled water, I saw Pretty sleeping on the couch and had to tiptoe around her so she wouldn't rip my face apart with her teeth if I woke her, and it reminded me of vampires, so that was how I connected the two thoughts.
My whole not-getting-over-the-guy-who-broke-up-with-me-two-months-ago thing is getting old faster than a month-old carton of cottage cheese that no one really wanted. I think I'm seriously annoying the [I-don't-really-know-what] out of a bunch of people (particularly my roommate, who never hears the end of it) by constantly bringing him and it up. Stupid boy. It would be one thing if I just stopped dating, became jaded by love (and consequently stopped believing in it), and lived in silent turmoil over the whole situation. But no, I choose to rehash it every available chance I get. And I'm like four pages away from having completely filled that stupid journal I write to him. I wonder if writing in it is actually inhibiting me from getting over him. Who knows? But really... I don't want to get over him. So I'm not. And as long as I keep up this attitude, I won't. [I wonder if that's a problem. What would make that qualify as a problem?]
I'm going strawberry blonde as soon as possible. And then I think I want to go as super-blonde as possible. And then I'll go brunette.I like trying new hair.And college is totally the right time to do it.
God, the broads on The Real Housewives of Orange County (Okay, first off: WTF? Why would you mix The OC and Desperate Housewives??? Why? Why, why, why why?) are ugggggly. Yuck. I do NOT want to look like that when I turn forty. And you'd think that all that plastic surgery and going to the gym would make them prettier somehow. Huh.
My head keeps cursing a lot here lately. I don't know why. I don't get it, but whatev.
I don't think I'm ready to go back to school, but I don't know what I am ready for.More Twilight.... yes.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
oh-nine, oh-nine
God, sometimes I do really stupid stuff.
And then I think they're fun.
But then something happens and makes me realize, oh my GOD, Kelly, you were SO STUPID!
Girls are mean mean mean mean mean. (I'm not excluding myself.)
And if you do ANYTHING to cross some girls (anything to even remotely possibly POTENTIALLY offend some girls), you had better watch your back.
I made my A's in my classes.Even the ones I didn't feel that I deserved them in.But the really valuable knowledge that I feel like I've gotten has been from life experience, and one of those tidbits is to THINK BEFORE YOU DO STUPID STUFF!
If you have to lie about it, you should probably not do it.
If you don't want to be photographed doing something, you should probably NOT DO IT.
If you don't want pictures of you to surface on facebook while you're doing something stupid, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT STUPID SOMETHING!
Just watch yourself.It's okay to be a little crazy sometime in your life.
I always think about the most interesting old people I've known, and they're always the ones with crazy stories to tell about their young days.
I mean, how fun would it be to tell your grandchildren, "Oh, well, during my day... I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary... I just, you know, went to school, did my homework, obeyed my parents, lived my life..."?
I'm not saying you should stop going to school or blow off your homework or disobey your parents or throw all caution to the wind, but I think that people are entitled to living their lives and consequently dealing with the aftermath of the decisions they make.
I just need to start anticipating those consequences before I make those decisions, so that way I can make the best possible choices.
Ahhh, happy new year. If you've done something stupid lately, forgive yourself and learn from it and move on. We have a new year ahead of us. Who knows what the HECK will happen next?
And then I think they're fun.
But then something happens and makes me realize, oh my GOD, Kelly, you were SO STUPID!
Girls are mean mean mean mean mean. (I'm not excluding myself.)
And if you do ANYTHING to cross some girls (anything to even remotely possibly POTENTIALLY offend some girls), you had better watch your back.
I made my A's in my classes.Even the ones I didn't feel that I deserved them in.But the really valuable knowledge that I feel like I've gotten has been from life experience, and one of those tidbits is to THINK BEFORE YOU DO STUPID STUFF!
If you have to lie about it, you should probably not do it.
If you don't want to be photographed doing something, you should probably NOT DO IT.
If you don't want pictures of you to surface on facebook while you're doing something stupid, YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING THAT STUPID SOMETHING!
Just watch yourself.It's okay to be a little crazy sometime in your life.
I always think about the most interesting old people I've known, and they're always the ones with crazy stories to tell about their young days.
I mean, how fun would it be to tell your grandchildren, "Oh, well, during my day... I didn't really do anything out of the ordinary... I just, you know, went to school, did my homework, obeyed my parents, lived my life..."?
I'm not saying you should stop going to school or blow off your homework or disobey your parents or throw all caution to the wind, but I think that people are entitled to living their lives and consequently dealing with the aftermath of the decisions they make.
I just need to start anticipating those consequences before I make those decisions, so that way I can make the best possible choices.
Ahhh, happy new year. If you've done something stupid lately, forgive yourself and learn from it and move on. We have a new year ahead of us. Who knows what the HECK will happen next?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)